Thursday, February 7, 2013

This Is What I Know - This Is What I Believe To Be True

I loved that line from Silver Linings Playbook. The whole movie was great (if you can get past all the F-bombs being dropped every few minutes. ) and I thought it had a good message.

It has made me think a lot. Or I guess I was just already thinking a lot when we went to that movie.

What do I believe to be true?

What do I know?

I've come to realize that nobody knows anything, and you can't always just trust what people say. You have to go off what information you have and make your own conclusions. Lately I feel like I can't say I know very much anymore.

I do know that I love my family, and they're the most important thing in my life.

I know that I'm happy when I'm running.

I also know that when I stop running I get really depressed!

Here's what happened last week:

I ran on Thursday and realized I needed to take a break because my ankles (Achilles Tendons) were really sore. I'd been ignoring it for a while, but finally decided it was an injury and I needed to fix it.

Friday I went climbing at the gym so that was awesome and Saturday I spent the day with the kids so I was fine, I loved that. Then Sunday it started snowing like crazy so Pete and I spent about an hour shoveling out our driveway since it was still bad from the last storm. It kept snowing so I did a lot more shoveling on Monday in our driveway, and helping a friend with hers. I got some pretty good workouts on those days, and spent some time outside so I felt great. Then Wednesday came and I didn't know what to do since it was supposed to be a running day and I wasn't running. I felt like I should be running even though I knew it was the right thing to do to take the day off, and this made me start feeling depressed.

My depression just got worse and worse and I know it also had to do with this other thing I'm dealing with, but It was bad. When Thursday morning rolled around and the kids' school got canceled because of the snow, I just came home and curled up in my bed and cried. I was a mess. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't care about anything. Even sweet George standing there by my bed, couldn't persuade me. Pete told me before I went to work that I should ride my bike or something and that would make me feel better. I don't know if I didn't believe him or if I just didn't care, but I didn't want to do that right then. I finally got myself out of bed and we went in search of some new snow pants for Ethan because his are way too short and they were going to want to play in all this snow we were getting! Getting out helped a little, and made me start thinking about why the heck I was so depressed.

I realized that I had turned back into the person I was in high school. I felt exactly the same. I felt insecure, like I was doing a terrible job, I didn't like myself, and I just didn't feel happy. This is who I was a lot when I was in high school and I thought I was done with that! I think it made me feel a little more depressed that all I had to do was not workout for ONE day and this person was back!

So, when I got home, I got serious about making these feelings go away. I tromped through the new foot-high snow out to my garage, got my bike (that I haven't ridden since like August) and brought it inside.

I set up the trainer, and put my bike on it. I was having trouble with my chain at first and my old self just wanted to give up, forget the whole thing, and get back into bed, but I knew that wasn't a good idea. Finally I got everything working smoothly and I changed into my cycling clothes. I found one of Frayed Laces' Trainer Tuesday workouts and just got started.

I spent an hour working hard on my bike, listening to music, looking out the window at the beautiful snow, and I LOVED IT!

I can't even tell you how much better I felt as soon as I got on the bike. I felt like myself again, and I remembered that I could do anything. I remembered that I was awesome, and that life IS AWESOME! I was cured.

I've thought a lot about that since then. It's been a week now and my ankles are feeling better. I've gone running twice this week. I started swimming again last Thursday and my swim fitness has completely gone out the window, but I'm going to keep doing that while my kids are at swim lessons on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I am in control of this.

Saturday, my dad watched the kids and Pete and I went snowboarding. It was amazing! I loved every minute of it. It was so beautiful up there on the mountain, the air was clear and I was pushing myself a little past my comfort zone, doing something I love with the man I love! Love, love, love!

So this is what I know, this is what I believe to be true: I NEED to be working out, and I NEED to be spending time outside, and I NEED to spend time with my family. That is my drug. (I think it's a pretty good drug to be addicted to, though.)

I haven't been outside much lately because the air in Salt Lake is so bad right now. It's disgusting. So it was really good to get up in the mountains out of the bad air and see the blue sky.

I want to start climbing more and I will start running outside again once the air clears up. Right now it's like smoking a pack of cigarettes to go run in it so I refuse to do that. Pete and I decided to make a goal of getting up into the mountains at least once a week all year long, whether it's snowboarding, hiking, climbing, mountain biking, running or just going a picnic with the kids.

Pete and I are also planning a climbing trip to Las Vegas in 8 weeks! So that gives me a goal to work towards and train for. I need to get strong enough that I can climb for several days in a row and feel good. I'm so excited! We'll also do a little bike riding and running while we're down there.

I've already started training by doing push ups, assisted pull-ups and leg lifts at the gym after my run on the indoor track yesterday. I'm going to keep running because I have a half marathon to train for in June, and it will hopefully help with my endurance. I've been going to a ballet fit class on Wednesdays while Mindy is at her ballet class, and I'm going to keep doing that. I was worried it was what was making my ankles hurt, but I'm not sure it was. I think it will be really good for my ankles and feet.  It's also great for working on balance and strengthening my core!

That is my plan right now and I feel happy and good about it. There is a lot out there that I just don't know about anymore, but I'm happy that I know about this, and think it will keep me sane. Life is great and I hope to keep enjoying it!

PS - If you're reading this and you're a real person, will you give me a little shout because I'm getting so many spam comments that I'm thinking about turning comments off or turning this blog private so let me know if you're there reading it and I'll keep it around. Thanks!


  1. I can't wait for the air to clean up to and get outside! We will need to start our group up again and get out!

  2. Yes we will, that will be so awesom!

  3. You were quiet for so long! Glad you're back :-)

  4. Thanks for sharing - we share the same drug addiction - thanks for your honest post.

  5. I've missed reading your posts! I can completely relate to what you've written here... it is so easy to slip into that place. Sometimes I just get so tired of trying to be "mindful" all the time. I think it's okay to let ourselves slip a little every now and then, especially when you've a good support system (like it sounds like you do) to wake you up and say "you need to do this for you" :D Big hugs!!